Stop putting foam Mickey Mouse heads on their car aerials. Please. Your insistence on adorning the aerial of your bland euro-box with such tat fills me with psychotic rage and I hate you. I hate you all.

You’re right up there with people who put little smiley faces over the letter i. It’s not quirky, it’s not clever, it’s just shit – pure and simple.

Chances are you also have a ‘cheeky monkey on board’ sign in your rear window. I feel it only fair to warn you that every time I see one of these I have a firm desire to ram you off the road.

I fail to understand why you would wish to announce to the world that you are the type of person whose ideal holiday involves shitting large amounts of money into the Disney coffers, mincing around a large make-believe world dodging lard-arsed Americans and lapping up all that is soul-less and turgid in the process.

« »